Category Archives: Personal Log

Personal log, on thoughts and sights seen within our great society, this will try to be constructive, however i have struggled with that myself in my life so guess its a work in progress to. entrance is available to all, but keep in mind this are my thoughts

Personal log 2017.089

Some days there are never enough spoons for what the day requires.  Those who are not familiar with the spoon theory read attached link below.

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Spoon_theory

for me winter tends to bring a lower spoon count then most times, as I have aged there have been physical aches and pains and joint complaints, lately the mental collection also has dwindled.

So how does one stock pile what they need to accomplish all that is asked and still have enough to see through after the day?

A few ideas are tossing around at the moment, and where I am hopeful that on days I have plenty, can equal or outweigh the days I run dry.

Many of these personal logs will reflect the current mood and count and there will be many that will reflect all the warmth and good.

It is written that “Life is like the ocean.  It can be calm or still, and rough or rigid, but in the end, it is always beautiful.”  There is something in this, it Is a current learning curve but as one I will embrace, the shadows have been comfort let’s try the light.  I may not always succeed but I will try again and again.

Personal log 2017.088

This last year has been a discovery for me, in more than one sense of the mind.  Many things have boiled down within this last year and many times I loose purpose and there is a period of time that I lose the reason behind what I do.  However, it usually takes one thing to make it all the world wild.

I recalled when I dived in the deeper end of our community pool and started down my path.  Most of everything that I have ever done I had to discover myself.  Coding for the websites I maintain, to understand who was in the area so I may enter their entries, locating their wiki pages if they have them, construct their arms, working with people that have ideas to run.

There are little rewards in these things, there has never been asked for rewards, these are things that are done for the benefit of everyone.  When I see the grin as one finds out their submission was completed, when I see a comment on a post about the OP or anything the like I have done for our community, that to me gives me a glow of satisfaction.

Then I tend to think of that this was within the power for anyone to do all along.  The tools where there, however it was me that took the ball and ran with it.  And that makes the work feel wonderful.

There are times I just run out of gas, that I need a recharge, or there are some things that are making what I love to do difficult to approach.  And this is where the spiral begins.

For me it’s more than accomplishment, it is a sense of being needed, at times it is a great amount of effort to start a project and then maintain it, all of which is grand. However, when I slide even for logical reasons my subconscious takes it as a failure.  And this is not just with local things it’s even in private lives.

I took months to get into a routine that I do enjoy.  I get home, make dinner, work on a couple of projects, take a bath get ready for bed.  This past winter I have found more and more that my couch to be more comfortable than anything else, and then I become lazy.  This is good for a short term, however I have learned that pathways such is this become addictive and thereby make the things I wish to accomplish, not feel like there that big of importance.  Comfort and gazing out into nothing felt really good.

So, how do I go by changing that:

That is the biggest question cause once I have started down the dark path, forever it will consume my destiny….. (Bloody Yoda, ok, ok, your right)

I have found that I have to meet my own expectations, and ignore the expectations from anyone else with the exceptions of those I directly report to as one step in this.  I have found that at the moment I am the one tasked to take on such projects so there by it is my responsibility to undertake them and no one else’s.  (this one usually gives me a giggle because really with a few moments anyone else can take this stuff on and then what next) well what next is the fact that at the moment they are what I do so let’s do it well.  And the big one that is the hardest for me to lock in for there are always extra things out there trying to disrupt it.

Believe it or not however routine can be the key for some people, get into established plans that are very not wavering and for me at least gives everything their allotment of time and time to see a task through (or at least to a logical step to a period where you can step away for a few) and if anyone wishes to learn more about what it is that I do, I am happy to teach the tools, but until then it is my duty to undertake them.  I am happy to do so.

So now I work on setting up a schedule and learn about how to take outside influences and working toward finding ways to either “pencil” them in or get better at saying “not right now I have work I need to accomplish” That way I don’t feel overwhelmed and also at the same time there is a sense of accomplishment.

Will it work?  Stay tuned

Personal log 2017.086

There comes a time that you need to look at the dream vs real life commitment.  I would say I have hit this wall, no I am far from quitting for where I have many years to continue to serve our kingdom and dream, however I am finding that there are some responsibilities that I need to take care of at the home and hearth to make sure that when I work and live in the dream my home life is stable and strong.

Tis a good thing that my position is a work from home, for I love doing this, and will continue to serve as I can.  And that is what is bringing me to thought this day.

Many times that we look at our dream, we have to gauge just the depth that we can commit to it.  Many I have seen can go full bore with little or no thought of what is happening when they return home.  That is not wrong but that is their choice.  If they can make it work then good for them.  Then there are some of us that have to do this on our own.

The real world is becoming the more fractured then the dream can be however there are responsibilities that have to be established in our service to the dream.

If anyone has seen a way to balance their wish and duty vs real world life, please I welcome the communication.

 

In Service forever to the dream (even from the background a bit more)

 

Conall

Personal log 2016.349

Depression, anxiety, feeling like a burden are all things many tend to feel like this often.  I have found that even in the joys I can feel when working on a project, or asked to take up a task for my local community to be in kin of a small amounts of joy in a hurricane of darkness.

So how do I confront these demons every day?  Often I have taken on projects for the end results bring joy for me to see it done and that the feedback allows me to feel important in the community.  These are projects that are needed to be updated if not often but once a year, and there by leads into the important part that I can do this.

These are often tasks that many have either over looked, put off, neglected, or would find a mountain of other things they rather to do then take care of these tasks.  I have found that being a part of a community, there is no slight or non-worthy task.  They all have their place.  There are some that would place one task in higher importance than others for after all they do the work in that task.

All parts can bring a community together.  And by doing so we are able to build a stronger group, willing to go forth and accomplish things that haven’t been accomplished in years, or band together to see an event or task done, not for the sake of any accomplishment or reward, however in knowledge that we did this.

Each step in its own right can fight down the darkness, so with each step we can move forward.

Personal Log 2016.342

With all things, the journey is first with the single most step.  This can not be more true when beginning to show yourself to your new community.  My question is where this is easy for some and so difficult for others.

I have lived with a feeling that everyone can bring a unique quality to the community, given time, energy, motivation.  Not everyone comes out of the gate in the same manner, and also not everyone is extroverted to the point of saying “look at me am i not great.”  quite honestly life would be bloody dull if that it was the case.

I have seen it myself where as it took longer for me to feel truly fit in the community i have around me.  I was not a skilled fighter so that never suited me, my arthritis always made fencing an unwise decision.  Archery was a good skill I have and just trying to keep at it.  And of course Heraldry has been my pride and joy.

Once you find your nitch, and start working toward that, i have seen that a person can be overlooked time and time again, for they are concentrating doing the best job they can, and yet stay in the background often.  With this things move smooth, there are seldom fires to be put out in these areas and you find overall many have good experiences in them.

Recently with my local community (and yes my local group is being refered to as my community for I see this more than a collection of cliques, however i see this as a hard-working community that with all our differences can come together) to recognize those that have done a lot for us and basically say “thank you”.  I am sure that alone is a step into a brighter future.  Will there be pot holes?  yes cause nothing in life is certain or perfect.  However one great person told me once “a good leader places their personal goals on hold for the sake of their community.”  This I plan on doing