This last year has been a discovery for me, in more than one sense of the mind.  Many things have boiled down within this last year and many times I loose purpose and there is a period of time that I lose the reason behind what I do.  However, it usually takes one thing to make it all the world wild.

I recalled when I dived in the deeper end of our community pool and started down my path.  Most of everything that I have ever done I had to discover myself.  Coding for the websites I maintain, to understand who was in the area so I may enter their entries, locating their wiki pages if they have them, construct their arms, working with people that have ideas to run.

There are little rewards in these things, there has never been asked for rewards, these are things that are done for the benefit of everyone.  When I see the grin as one finds out their submission was completed, when I see a comment on a post about the OP or anything the like I have done for our community, that to me gives me a glow of satisfaction.

Then I tend to think of that this was within the power for anyone to do all along.  The tools where there, however it was me that took the ball and ran with it.  And that makes the work feel wonderful.

There are times I just run out of gas, that I need a recharge, or there are some things that are making what I love to do difficult to approach.  And this is where the spiral begins.

For me it’s more than accomplishment, it is a sense of being needed, at times it is a great amount of effort to start a project and then maintain it, all of which is grand. However, when I slide even for logical reasons my subconscious takes it as a failure.  And this is not just with local things it’s even in private lives.

I took months to get into a routine that I do enjoy.  I get home, make dinner, work on a couple of projects, take a bath get ready for bed.  This past winter I have found more and more that my couch to be more comfortable than anything else, and then I become lazy.  This is good for a short term, however I have learned that pathways such is this become addictive and thereby make the things I wish to accomplish, not feel like there that big of importance.  Comfort and gazing out into nothing felt really good.

So, how do I go by changing that:

That is the biggest question cause once I have started down the dark path, forever it will consume my destiny….. (Bloody Yoda, ok, ok, your right)

I have found that I have to meet my own expectations, and ignore the expectations from anyone else with the exceptions of those I directly report to as one step in this.  I have found that at the moment I am the one tasked to take on such projects so there by it is my responsibility to undertake them and no one else’s.  (this one usually gives me a giggle because really with a few moments anyone else can take this stuff on and then what next) well what next is the fact that at the moment they are what I do so let’s do it well.  And the big one that is the hardest for me to lock in for there are always extra things out there trying to disrupt it.

Believe it or not however routine can be the key for some people, get into established plans that are very not wavering and for me at least gives everything their allotment of time and time to see a task through (or at least to a logical step to a period where you can step away for a few) and if anyone wishes to learn more about what it is that I do, I am happy to teach the tools, but until then it is my duty to undertake them.  I am happy to do so.

So now I work on setting up a schedule and learn about how to take outside influences and working toward finding ways to either “pencil” them in or get better at saying “not right now I have work I need to accomplish” That way I don’t feel overwhelmed and also at the same time there is a sense of accomplishment.

Will it work?  Stay tuned